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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Why didn't I just go to Cambridge? 

That's been a question that has popped, unbidden, into my head pretty frequently over the last couple of weeks (making the massive assumption that Judge would have been prepared to have me, of course). 'Why did I not take an extra week off work?', has been another one, even though I know I'll have the answer when I get my final pay packet next Monday.

Previously, I'd been somewhat incredulous about people who started to get cold feet about going to B-school at such a late stage, but now I'm beginning to relate. Why am I moving thousands of miles and plunging myself hugely into debt? Why am I leaving my organisation when it's got an interesting period ahead that I know I could make a significant contribution to? What if I can't get a job afterwards? What if something happens to my family and I'm a long and expensive plane ride away? Will I cope with the workload? Will I get enough sleep? Is this one huge mistake?

In the course of sorting out my computer files I re-read my 'Why MBA, why now, why Wharton?' essay, and of course the answers to the questions raised by last minute jitters are all in there. I know that if I phoned my boss right now and told him that I wanted to stay, he'd be delighted, as would my landlord. I suspect that if I applied to one-year UK schools to start in 2006 I'd probably get in somewhere respectable. But I also know deep down, that heading off to Wharton next week is absolutely the right thing to do, and I'm not going to change my mind. The next few days are going to be fraught in all sorts of ways, but once I've done all that I can at work, my remaining furniture has been dispatched where it's going, my books/dinner service/whisky collection/croquet set have all been safely stored, my clothes are in suitcases, and I'm in the car on the way to Heathrow, I'll be able to get properly excited about it all.

Six days and counting.

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